He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
