I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
