My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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