Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
