Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
