God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
