could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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