I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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