Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
