Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
