Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
A+ Viking dick
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
