I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize