it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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