I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
