Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
