every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
