i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
