just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
