i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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