we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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