you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
COCAINE IS GR8
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
