I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
