Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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