He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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