Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
