i need an iv and a liver transplant
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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