one two three fourrrrnication!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Can you bring me the toilet please
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
