According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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