Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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