I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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