I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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