man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
