he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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