..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
