I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
