If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
