I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
