The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
