Having a random hookup so left but love u
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
