had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
