i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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