She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
