i can't believe i had my finger in that
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Boobs speak an international language.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
