I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
