It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
