remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
