I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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