Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize