Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
