I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
