Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
