people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
