these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
