so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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