Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
