I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
