Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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