im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
