Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
