your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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