i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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