you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
