i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i think my cat just said my name.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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