Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
