you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
