I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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