I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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