Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
