Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize