I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
