I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
