he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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