her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
