So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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