R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Randomize
