if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
