I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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