you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
organizing the empties. That sober.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
