What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
