You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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