Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Boobs are out for the taking
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
